Rushing past

It's amazing how time can just run away. This involves many changes of course. I don't know what I am blabbering about but what I wanted to say was that it was a very long time ago since I turned 19 and the months until I turn 20 could be counted upon one hand, 3 months, yet it seem like it was yesterday. Valentine's day, easter, family members birthdays, my exams, my graduation, the trip to Cambridge, the bad and rainy summer, midsummer, Gran Canaria holiday, Diploma distribution ceremony and four months of work.

My life is rushing past! Now is the time to do what I want. I have many hard months behind me, looking back I wonder: How did I make it sofar? But yet I know there is many more months like that to come, and I am afraid. Afraid of how long I can take it, at the same time I am determined to manage. I wish I could be able to explain everthing I feel at the moment, but even as I try everything gets confused. Least that's something that shines through, I guess. In plain words I feel confused, frustrated, extremely lonely, sad, angry, unloved, furiated and so on and so forth.

I am aware of that I have made decisions that have definitely put me in this situation, but I don't regret me making those particular decisions. This is what I want whether people like it or not. I just wish I had support, it's hard enough when as it is I don't need anyone to make it even harder.

I love Karl and I miss him so much. I trust him and believe strongly that we are going to be happy together. And if it against my belief don't turn out good, then what can I say, I lived and don't have to regret it later on.

Feel that it's time to wrap this up now as I am crying, Wish I could get hugged by someone. Taken into someones arms and just held forever. Hugs has always had a most precious value to me, lacking it is torture.

I need a hug