Godis

Well I've come to a point again when I am not going to eat any candy for at least a month. More if I can of course. But knowing myself when it comes closer to christmas I won't be able to resist. I hope I manage november at least.

Gee gurl make a desicion

Alright, I love Karl. I was going to move to Cambridge and live with him. Yea I said was, I changed my mind a week before I was supposed to go. I love him so freaking much, but I can't do nothing. I don't want to move, and he doesn't want to move back here. What to do? There's only one possibility left. We live where we want to live and end our relationship, and engagement. I've had many good times with him, and I will always remember those times.

I've realised that my decision to move to England only was a way for me to keep him. Somehow I knew that when he left for England in July, he was never to come back to Sweden. Then he grew insecure over there in England, and he didn't know if he wanted to have a relationship or if it would work out. He kept me waiting for his decision and it came. We broke up even though I in my desperation said I would move to England to be with him.

A couple of weeks passed during which we had only sporadic contact. Then suddenly he told me how much he missed me and that he realised that he loved me too much to let go. This was just the day before we went on our holiday and we decided to talk when I got home. I went on vacation and when I got home we talked. He asked if I still wanted to move to him and if I was serious. I said I was because I still was desperate not to loose him. After a week or so we came to the conclusion that we wanted to continue.

Then we started discussing when and how and all that. I had problems talking about it with my parents. Especially since they were already dissapointed in me for getting back together with Karl. Well it came out that I was moving, during a very loud argument with my parents which I caused. Several discussions and arguments followed up until a week before I was going. I had already resigned at McDonald's and from my paper job, the ticket was booked, and that was about it. I had no case, not much money and no way of getting all my stuff to England.

The following arguments/discussions was a way for my parents to try to wake me up. Finally and quite miraculously I understood. I don't want to move. I have problems enough to take care of. I hoped that he still loved me too much to let go, but obviously he didn't because he is not going to move back here, and now our path are going in different directions

Drunk people

Another nightshift. I do hate the nightshifts very much, but at the same time it's pretty fun seeing all the drunk people. Me myself, I love watching all the girls dressed up. I check their shoes, make-up and clothes out. Of course it is also funny when someone is very drunk, but it can be extremely tiresome too. Obnoxious people is very common too.

AdSense

Right someone knows anything bout adsense? Been thinking about for sometime and I wonder if it is safe? Not that I am expecting much money but the statistics tell me there are more people visiting my blog than I ever thought there was.

Is it safe?

My very bad day

Three movies in total. Started off in the morning with Night at the museum then around 16.00 I saw Simpson the movie with my brother. He and I somethimes have little Simpson gatherings, it's cosy. The third one the whole family started watching for dinner but somehow I was left alone to see the rest. It was Hairspray btw.

All in all the day has passed on fairly quickly, woke up wathed a movie, just lay in bed thinking, had a "fika" with the family, watched a movie with Jonathan, sat in the sofa thinking, ate dinner while watching a movie, turned on the pc and checked facebook, chatting to Karl and small detours to the bed to stretch my tummy. Ta da - My day

The day's been a bad one. I've been extremely depressed for some reason, felt very lonely and sad. Hours have been spent in bed staring at nothingness. Of course was also this day when me and some friends had planned for a photo shoot and movie night also spoiled. I tried to get hold of them both until I gave up. This also happened last time I tried to plan something with them, it backfired and it turned out they met up after all having that photo shoot we planned together. Well now I've tried my best and hardest twice and I surrender. If you don't want to met up then fine. Also facebook has pissed me off today. For a while it has denied me to accept invitations and stuff alike, but today I found out it is also denying me to write to other people. It just keeps saying "page error"

Page error my ass

Inspired

Yesterday I came across a few fashion blogs and became very inspired, so here is today's outfit of mine:

So here we have a very cosy and comfortable black ballon dress from Gina Tricot, leopard leggings from Clothing Company, Black leg warmers from Coop Forum, Grey high heel boots from Skopunkten, a bracelet from either Glitter or Kicks and a heart shaped watch from a bazaar in Puerto Rico.

The boots are my latest shoe purchase and I simply love them, they are a bit high but I am definitely going to learn to wear them. I think I can walk in them without looking embarrasingly stiff.

Culture night

Today's the day. Had a early eight hour shift today. Even during daytime there was a difference to the amount of people coming in. Mostly all day the lobby was full of people and the lines long. Around 14.00 or 15.00 some of the managers and crew members started stocking up everything they could to absolute maximum. When I left a bit over 16.00 Maria said, now it starts. Indeed the lobby was as full as it usually is at a nightshift but definitely not at 16.00 a normal day. They are well prepared at least. They are going to have five cashiers and five backups for the cashiers, and I think it was fifteen people who is going to be in the kitchen. I am glad I am not working night or evening shift today.

Random

I have an early week this week, except saturday when I have a nightshift. Lucky I don't have nightshift on the 12th when it is "kulturnatt". I've been told for months that that night would be reeally busy. I have a dayshift, yeah. Today I joined the guys stocking up and taking in the inventories. It was pretty fun actually but I can say for sure that my arms are going to hurt tomorrow.



These blogportals I have joined made me realise I should have joined them ages ago. I made a weak attempt in the beginning to register my visitors. I wasn't after the IP-adresses, just to see statistics of how many visitors and regular readers there were reading my blog. I asked around and got help to start some page for tracking visitors, but somehow it got disfunctioned, so I asked for help. Sanna had to do what she could to make it work, mainly because she put me into this blog world. Anyway neither could work it out (rather Sanna couldn't work it out, I never made a true attempt :S). Now I am registered at a few blog portals where I not only can see my statistics, I also get a bit of publicity.

Rushing past

It's amazing how time can just run away. This involves many changes of course. I don't know what I am blabbering about but what I wanted to say was that it was a very long time ago since I turned 19 and the months until I turn 20 could be counted upon one hand, 3 months, yet it seem like it was yesterday. Valentine's day, easter, family members birthdays, my exams, my graduation, the trip to Cambridge, the bad and rainy summer, midsummer, Gran Canaria holiday, Diploma distribution ceremony and four months of work.

My life is rushing past! Now is the time to do what I want. I have many hard months behind me, looking back I wonder: How did I make it sofar? But yet I know there is many more months like that to come, and I am afraid. Afraid of how long I can take it, at the same time I am determined to manage. I wish I could be able to explain everthing I feel at the moment, but even as I try everything gets confused. Least that's something that shines through, I guess. In plain words I feel confused, frustrated, extremely lonely, sad, angry, unloved, furiated and so on and so forth.

I am aware of that I have made decisions that have definitely put me in this situation, but I don't regret me making those particular decisions. This is what I want whether people like it or not. I just wish I had support, it's hard enough when as it is I don't need anyone to make it even harder.

I love Karl and I miss him so much. I trust him and believe strongly that we are going to be happy together. And if it against my belief don't turn out good, then what can I say, I lived and don't have to regret it later on.

Feel that it's time to wrap this up now as I am crying, Wish I could get hugged by someone. Taken into someones arms and just held forever. Hugs has always had a most precious value to me, lacking it is torture.

I need a hug

Done

Ok now almost everything is fixed from my list.

• Definitely updating the blog posts I already started but somehow was unable to finish at the time. CHECK
• Run an errand in town on the bank and maybe have a stroll around. CHECK
• Finally checking out the Sims 2 extension pets and the stuff packages. CHECK
• Watch the rest of the Lee Evans show. CHECK
• Maybe have a movie night.

Seeing as I've done most of the list I am actually pleased with myself. The movie could be done when I get to bed, maybe watching a short movie or I can exchange it for a little bedtime reading.

I really do regret that I actually didn't try the extension packs out before, they are freakin awesome. I installed the chritmas pack and was surprised that nothing happened but when I started the original Sims 2 everything was there. However when installin family fun, this started on it's own using the cd for the family fun pack. I didn't install the pets extension but I bet everything that I will tomorrow.

Free monday

Woke up fairly early this morning and had a few plans in my mind:

• Definitely updating the blog posts I already started but somehow was unable to finish at the time.
• Run an errand in town on the bank and maybe have a stroll around.
• Finally checking out the Sims 2 extension pets and the stuff packages.
• Watch the rest of the Lee Evans show
• Maybe have a movie night.

2 out of 5 done, and now I'm off trying out the Sims 2 extensions.

Blackness

Ok the week's worth of work has been going ok sofar. But I really do feel sorry for the manager's and people working there, my mood is altering from day to day, it's horrible. Any way I came home from a closing shift yesterday around 2.30 and found to my big surprise that this time the light was left on in the hallway, for once. On the to other occasions when I've got home late lately it's been pitch black. First time I thought that it was maybe Alexandra just forgetting and turning off the lamp, but the second time it happened she was sleeping at her boyfriend's.

Well anyway the lights were on and I didn't have to be afraid to fall in the stair on my way to my bedroom

30 minutes

I am on my break right now. 30 minutes in total. I have actually been longing for a break for about 20 minutes before I got one but kept telling myself I want to wait to half through work so as to leave me with less than half my shift when I'm back from my break. But then I got an early break anyway which was pretty good. I had a late morning as I always have when I have evening shifts (I Love them too!), and therefore also a late breakfast. So this break will be devoted to lunch and then I will have dinner when I come home tonight around 8 o'clock.

In general work is easier to muster when I don't have to get up so very early, and the fact that I mostly have monday to friday and nightshifts every second to third week is pretty good. I am put on the front almost always nowadays and my danish has improved greatly. What else also has improved is actually my skills in the kitchen the other day I was mostly positioned in the kitchen and I was really surprised myself at how well it went. Also the manager in charge praised me the day after saying I did a really good work the day before. Yesterday I was in the kitchen for some hours because there was a training going on. After a while however the trainer was taken out of the kitchen and I was left in charge of the training. Very surprised vut proud at the confidence I trained this person for a while, even though I'm not a qualified trainer nor studying to become one.